Unfinished 28 Shenanigans
by LadyAnatar
Summary: A collection of oneshots written from the prompts of the popular 28 meme, usually set in a G1 universe. Alas, despite this story being perpetually marked as complete, there will probably never be the full 28 chapters.
1. Chapter 1 - On His Knees

On His Knees

_Author's Notes: Shortly after I started reading Transformers fics way back in April 2012, I stumbled across Balrog Roike's fabulous "28 Starscreams" collection. After that, I found a few other 28 fics, and decided to try my hand at those prompts, albeit with no particular character or pairing involved. (It was actually supposed to be my TF fandom debut. Yeah, that didn't work out.) Unfortunately, it's now a few years later, and my endeavor hasn't gone quite as well as I'd hoped. I'm now tired of what very few oneshots I have done taunting me from their folder, and I have no desire to even start the other twenty or so. So, I will be posting what I have finished and mostly finished sometime in the next few months. On the off chance that I write more of these oneshots later on, they will be added._

_ Anyway, onto specifics! I originally wrote this story for my writing class. (Happily, my teacher liked it, even though she didn't know the characters.) It was a dialogue assignment, so expect lots of chatting._

_ For anyone curious, there is a tribute to _Star Wars_ in here. See if you can find it!_

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Disclaimer: I do not own Transformers.

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"Sideswipe! What are you _doing_?"

With a yelp, the red warrior jerked out from underneath the table, slamming his helm in the process with a sickening _crack_. Rubbing the spot ruefully, he glanced upwards with woeful eyes. "Hi, Prowl. How come it's always 'What are you doing?' or 'What have you done?' Why don't you ever give me the benefit of the doubt?"

Prowl stared back, utterly unimpressed. "Because, Sideswipe, it is always your fault. I have never found you in an unusual position, such as on your knees and peering under a table, that does not somehow cause chaos sometime in the future."

Sideswipe winced theatrically. "Prowl, you wound me." He grinned and tapped the back of his helm. "Right here."

Ignoring the hooligan's theatrics, Prowl tried again. "Sideswipe. What did you do?"

Realizing that the officer was not going to be deterred, Sideswipe wilted. "That's not what you asked me the first time." Apparently, the veteran prankster had honed his ability to gage Prowl's patience into an art form, because he swiftly continued, "Well, Bumblebee was watching Daniel. You know, Carly and Spike's three-year-old youngling? I guess there was some really urgent emergency with the minibots or something, because Bee practically begged me to watch Daniel for an hour or two. It was actually going pretty well for the most part, but when we started playing hide and seek, well…"

With a growing sense of dread, Prowl scrutinized the red frontliner. "Sideswipe, where exactly is Daniel?"

Shamefacedly, Sideswipe refused to meet Prowl's gaze. "I don't actually know. We had fun for a while, but now I can't find him! The kid's an amazing hider; he has some incredible potential," the twin muttered. "Anyway, Sunny and Bluestreak volunteered to help and are searching all over the place. He couldn't have gone far with those little legs of his, he's not out of the _Ark_, and there've been no alarms sounded. We just can't_ find_ him, and he's been missing for half an hour!" Sideswipe finished his monologue at a slightly higher pitch than he began it, and threw his servos in the air helplessly.

Disbelief coursing through him, Prowl felt his logic center slowly ticking towards a lockdown. "Do you mean to tell me, that for the last half an hour, we have had a vulnerable human sparkling running in our midst, with absolutely no one taking care of him, and you haven't told anyone!"

Flinching back from his superior's verbal assault, Sideswipe nevertheless managed to rally a defense. "It's not my fault! I really was doing a good job and playing with him and everything, just…" his voice trailed off. "You know, I'm honestly not sure exactly how he managed to sneak out on me. I kept a super sharp optic on him, and-"

"Enough." Prowl's voice sliced through Sideswipe's rambling with the ease of experience. "Continue searching. I will join you in your efforts. However," his voice took on an exasperated tone, "why have you not informed everyone else?"

Sideswipe merely leveled a flat stare at him. "Prowl. His dad and grandpa regularly muck about in our systems; they both have an excellent understanding on how to hurt us, up to and including me. Bumblebee is more than capable of making our lives a living Pit, and he would have no problems finding eager helpers. And don't get me started on what Carly would do to us. Fortunately, we do know that he is perfectly safe; everyone watches where they step, and Red Alert went through and baby-proofed the place years ago." His countenance brightened, and he enthusiastically concluded, "So, we decided to find him first and beg forgiveness later!"

Shaking his helm, Prowl led the both of them out the door and started down the hall. "Fine. But if you do not find him in twenty more minutes, you're telling Bumblebee exactly what happened."

Sideswipe huffed and rolled his eyes in an exaggerated fashion. "I _suppose_ that's fine." Without warning in the middle of his gesture, the frontliner stopped and gaped through an open doorway. Spark sinking, Prowl peered into the Dinobots' quarters before joining Sideswipe in his undignified pose.

There, fast asleep in the center of Swoop's right servo, lay Daniel, sleeping the sleep of the innocent.

Eventually, the flier glanced up from the datapad in his other hand. "Hello! You looking for him Daniel?"

Remembering himself, Prowl snapped his mouth shut and regained his calm. "Yes, we were. How did you find him?"

Carefully, Swoop shrugged and explained. "Me Swoop find him Daniel in middle of hallway looking for place to hide. So me Swoop offer to hide him Daniel. After just a little bit, him Daniel take nap. Me Swoop not mind." Swoop turned hopeful optics on the two other Autobots. "Can him Daniel stay here until him wake up or her Carly arrive?"

Nodding decisively, Prowl pleasantly consented to the idea. "Sideswipe, you're fired. Go find your twin and Bluestreak, and all of you keep out of trouble. Swoop, comm. me if you require anything or if he wakes up."

"Me Swoop understand!" the Dinobot answered, quietly ecstatic.

Prowl quickly escaped before Sideswipe could protest his decisions. _Primus, spare me from the trials of sparklings!_ Ah, well. One crisis down; time to prepare for the next one.

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_Second Author's Notes: This bunny actually sprang from a favorite _Baby Blues_ joke originally. I just modified it to fit this prompt. Essentially in the strip, when a mother asks her daughter why she's looking through the cupboards and stuff, the daughter replied that she and her younger brother had been playing hide and go seek with their baby sister. Until, well, their brother forgot where he hid her. This story is obviously not the same, but Sideswipe isn't _that_ irresponsible! He is just woefully inexperienced when it comes to dealing with little kids. As for the _Star Wars_ reference, one of the more infamous lines is "It's not my fault!"_

_ Finally, I humbly ask forgiveness for utterly forgetting Prowl's doorwings. Mea culpa!_


	2. Chapter 2 - Daring

Daring

_Author's Notes: This idea popped into my head, and since I had absolutely no idea how to turn it into a full-length story, it became yet another oneshot instead. For the purposes of this fic, I decided that the Decepticon flyers on Terra are a lot of seekers and the triplechangers. (And Vortex, but I'm not including him because he's 1.) psychotic, and 2.) a gestalt member.)_

_ Thanks to Exactlywhat for betaing! _

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Disclaimer: I do not own Transformers.

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Contentedly moving about his lab, Starscream enjoyed the rare moment of quiet. Such instances were few and far between in his position, and he treasured every one of them. Unsurprisingly, the moment ended all too soon to the hail of a comm. Ex-venting in irritation, Starscream finished up his current project enough to keep it from spoiling before metaphorically turning to his interrupter. To his shock, neither Megatron nor any of his fliers had sent the request. In fact, the sender was not even a Decepticon. Tentatively, he opened the line.

::Skyfire?! What do _you_ want?::

::Hello, Starscream.:: Skyfire's calm voice washed over Starscream's audio receptors like a soothing mist. ::While I realize that my call is unconventional in wartime, I need your assistance with something.::

::Oh?:: True to form, Starscream's voice radiated mistrust. ::And what kind of help might that be?::

::Quite honestly, I think that you'll appreciate this.::

Fifteen minutes, one laughing fit, and much plotting later, Starscream happily gave his answer. ::Not only would I be delighted to help you, but I volunteer most of the other fliers as well. Just inform me on when you will need the backup, and we will be there.::

Relieved laughter floated through the channel. ::Thank you so much, Starscream. I will certainly keep you posted, and it will probably happen after the next three weeks during a battle. Oh, and the Aerialbots will be helping as well.::

::That… is probably a good idea. Well, good luck. You'll need it.:: With that, the seeker switched off the communications channel and promptly began laughing again.

Finally shaking off the rest of his mirth, he activated the base's p.a. system. _Attention, all Decepticon fliers! This is Air Commander Starscream, and I am hereby informing you all of a mandatory drill tomorrow morning. A rather serious matter has come to my attention, and your performance has been terrible recently. We will fix that problem at the practice. Do not be late. Starscream out._ Grinning sadistically, Starscream blocked any hails coming to him, complaining or otherwise. Cheerfully walking back to his project, he contemplated tomorrow. Sharing this piece of news was going to be fun!

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At a battle about four weeks later…

Starscream swooped among the clouds, shooting at over-zealous Autobots and carefully watching for those annoying twins. Megatron's amazing plan of the week, while ultimately doomed to failure, required most of the Decepticon fliers as air support. Lazily sighting a target, an urgent ping clamored for the Air Commander's attention. ::Yes, what is it?::

::It's time, Starscream. The Aerialbots will start in fifteen standard seconds.::

Immediately, Starscream jerked out of his fairly content state and into action. ::Fliers! Execute Operation: Secret in ten seconds! Skywarp, get the Prime _right now_!::

A chorus of surprisingly eager affirmatives answered his orders. Seconds later, Megatron's furious bellow mixed with outraged Autobot cries. "Skywarp, you moron! Where did you teleport to with Prime!?"

As he landed in front of Soundwave, Starscream couldn't help but laugh. Sticking a null-ray in the telepath's direction, the second in command gleefully informed his theoretical subordinate, "Don't worry, Soundwave. We're just pulling a heist on this battle. No one, least of all our glorious leader, will get hurt. Just don't make me shoot you."

Soundwave regarded him for a moment, before "Inquiry: Purpose of heist?" Laserbeak and Ravage, who were standing with their carrier, both inched back as Starscream _snickered_.

"Oh, I'm sure that you'll enjoy it!" With that cryptic statement, Starscream turned most of his attention to the "battle." The coneheads were keeping the Stunticons from moving much, let alone attacking anything. Blitzwing and Astrotrain performed the same duty with the Combaticons, while Octane aggressively negotiated with the Constructicons to the same effect. Thundercracker had taken the Rainmaker trine and passively invaded the Autobot side the field, calmly informing the ten or so fighters nearby to sit still or the seekers would shoot. The Autobots actually obeyed, probably shocked by the chaotic mess of the Aerialbots, all of whom had spread out and were individually threatening their superior officers.

As for the Prime… Skywarp's thoughts burbled over the trine bond. ::_Hey, Starscream! I have the Prime, explained that something good was going to happen, and that unless provoked, the fliers are not going to hurt anyone. He's confused and annoyed, but also accepting. …Although that may have to do with the fact that I'm the only good way off of this mountain crag._::

Starscream chuckled, freaking out the cassettes again. ::_Excellent job! With any luck, Skyfire will start now before anyone recovers._::

Apparently, Primus wanted this to happen. Just after Starscream finished his private conversation, Skyfire swooped out of the sky, transformed in midair, and landed firmly on both feet in front of the only non-flier not under some sort of guard.

Megatron.

The Decepticon leader assumed a ready position before growling, "What is the meaning of this?"

Skyfire simply looked at the confused leader in front of him before speaking. His words were spoken in formal Cybertronian, and they were audible to every fighter on the field. "You have captured my thoughts and my gaze. Whenever there is a battle, I watch for your well-being and flinch when you are hurt. Here are two tokens to show my admiration for you, and I pray that you will allow me to become closer and to court you." As he spoke, Skyfire stepped forward and offered two carefully wrapped packages roughly the size of hands to the other mech.

In shock, Megatron automatically accepted the offered packages. Having finished what he set out to do, Skyfire took several steps back and bowed slightly. "I eagerly await your response." With that, he leapt into the air and left as gracefully as he had appeared.

As the Decepticon leader continued to stare blankly after the shuttle, a buzzing started among both sides.

"I don't kriffing believe it! _Skyfire_ is interested in _Megatron_?!"

The anonymous bellow succeeded in in snapping Megatron out of his daze. "Soundwave? Did that actually just happen, or do I need medical attention?"

No longer being threatened by the tri-coloured seeker, the telepath hesitantly answered in the affirmative.

"Ah." With that pronouncement, the Great Slag-Maker promptly suffered a processor crash and tumbled to the ground. As he fell, warriors of both factions began retreating in confusion. Several others suffered crashes of their own at the sheer impossibilities that had just occurred, and Starscream lost his own battle of wills and broke into hysterical laughter.

After Skywarp returned the shell-shocked Prime to the Autobots, a mutual agreement between him and Soundwave had both sides leaving the battlefield without further altercation to deal with the mad current events.

Both a still-unconscious Megatron and an incapacitated-by-laughter Starscream had to be helped from the field by their respective comrades.

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_Author's Notes 2: After a standard century of courting, Megatron and Skyfire do end up bonding. They are very happy together, and have two (or more) creations. Due to conflicts of interest (like the leader being courted by someone on the opposite side), the war was called to a halt shortly after this event. Additionally, the fliers and scientists refused to fight seriously anymore (The fliers put themselves on the line to get those two together. They're not going to jeopardize it!), and frankly, everyone was more interested in other things. Like Cybertron's crippled population, gossip, energon, etc. I probably will not write a sequel, but this highly unlikely universe does have a happy ending!_

_ I thought of this idea when I looked for Skyfire/Megatron pairings. As I would rather read than write, I was rather put-out that I couldn't find any. As of publishing, I have _still_ only been able to find two that mention the pairing at all, and neither of them are actual romances. (If anyone is interested in knowing of those stories, let me know.) _

_ I have very little interest in secret codenames, so I found Operation: Secret to be charming, amusing, and to the point. And 'kriffing' is a Star Wars swear word that I am particularly fond of._

_ Oh, and to those who celebrate it today, happy Independence day!_


	3. Chapter 3 - Drinking Energon

Drinking Energon

_Author's Notes: I LIVE! Honestly, I don't have a good excuse for not posting something since… October… I just really didn't feel like writing. Hopefully, I won't have another "dry spell" like this again, but best not to count one's chickens before they hatch._

_ So, I freely admit that this is a very odd oneshot, but I honestly enjoyed writing it. It was a great chance to try and write things from Megatron's PoV while still getting the message that I wanted to give across to you readers._

_ Oh, in case anyone wonders, the Writ of Primus is completely made up by me, and WARNING: Contemplations of Religion afoot._

_ Thanks very much to Exactlywhat for reading over this for me._

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Disclaimer: I do not own Transformers.

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_The final Gift that Primus bestowed upon us, His beloved children, was the Gift of energon, our strength and life-blood. With energon, Primus enabled us to always move. He granted us joy, fellowship, and peace of mind. Now drink, and remember the love and great blessings with which He has gifted us._ ~ The Writ of Primus

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"Take this, all of you, and drink of it. This is the Cup of My Blood, the Blood of the new and everlasting covenant. It will be poured out for you and for all, so that sins may be forgiven. Drink this in memory of Me."

Listening to the human's words over the airwaves, Megatron allowed his thoughts to slip into the philosophical.

While he rarely emphasized his spiritual views, he most certainly had them; as a matter of fact, he was equal parts pleased with himself and relieved that despite the war, he had managed to never _quite_ break his most cherished precepts. In addition to knowing his own interpretation, however, he enjoyed learning the basics about others, individually and culturally. Not only was it an excellent way to understand one's enemies, potential allies, or future subjects, but it was enjoyable, and every so often, he would find a gem among the slag heap.

In this case, he had just found out that Earth had three major religious factions that believed in the Creator. They agreed in some aspects; they fought bitterly in others. Some of the followers were able to coexist with no problems, while others committed heinous crimes against others and even themselves. Historically, none of the three factions trusted each other, and yet, they all had certain similarities. Place of origin. Holy books. Holy cities. Certain traditions. Wonderful people who would go on to inspire generations of youngsters, and horrible individuals whose names were still cursed after centuries.

Calmly, Megatron paused that line of thought and turned to regard the cube of energon sitting next to him, contemplating the human he had just heard with its holy text and the Writ that he had known for his whole life, both of which spoke of the Blood of Life. Yes, the humans had their differences and similarities, but despite the distance, despite the vast amount of time, and despite rather extreme physical differences, they also had their similarities to Cybertronians.

Now, while he was not inclined to make a grand display over his discovery, perhaps there was a small thing he could do to bolster the fledgling religions and to privately mark his appreciation for a pleasant, introspective afternoon.

Decision made, Megatron contacted his loyal third in command. ::Soundwave.::

::Yes, Lord Megatron?:: came the immediate answer.

::The human cities of Rome, Mecca, and Jerusalem are completely off-limits to any sort of attack, scheme, or damage. See to it that everyone is aware of that fact.::

::Understood.::

Closing the channel, Megatron relaxed and picked up his cube of energon. He gazed it thoughtfully before taking a sip.

_We thank You for these and all Your Gifts, Almighty One. You live and Rule forever._

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_Author's Notes 2: Yes, this is a highly unusual and unlikely portrayal of Megatron, but the core of it has been rattling around in my head for two years, so here 'tis. My headcanon!Megatron is Catholic. NOT Roman Catholic - that's an Earth-only thing, but Catholic in the sense that he believes in one Creator of All (whose exact portrayal varies from planet to planet) and a few universal morals and truths. Unfortunately, that does not necessarily a Good Person make, and it can be kind of hard to follow those constants if you're insane as he so often seems to be. (Though this idea of Megatron could explain why he hasn't offed Starscream yet.) Finally, the three religions are Judaism, Christianity, and Islam, and the last line is a slightly tweaked prayer that I've always liked._


	4. Chapter 4 - Well Shagged

Well Shagged

_Author's Notes: I was very intimidated by this prompt. Ironically, it ended up being the first one actually written down, way back in October of 2012. Implications about my work ethic notwithstanding, I am still very proud of how it turned out, and as far as I know, it is very original._

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Disclaimer: I do not own Transformers.

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From the shadows, Ravage stared at the two nervous figures walking in front of him. One was tall, lanky, and whimpering under his breath; obviously, a rather pathetic specimen of humanity. The other, however, pricked the felinoid's curiosity. The creature, a quadruped, actually rose above Ravage's own height by a slight amount and, discounting its tail, reached his length as well. Additionally, its whimpers matched the human's sound for sound.

Silently following the two, Ravage found himself shocked when the human turned to his companion and urgently inquired, "D-d-didja hear that-t?" Slowly, he turned to directly face Ravage's hidden spot.

_Impossible! No human should have been able to sense me at all, let alone pinpoint my position! _

When the creature shakily nodded its head and also turned to face him, Ravage had had enough. Disgust filling him, he stepped fully into the moonlight. Immediately, the hair on both mammals spiked in fright. Directly after the slight pause, a scream of "MONSTER!" split the air in a deafening blast.

Perplexingly, both executed the supposedly impossible maneuver of spinning around with their legs churning rapidly in midair, before zooming away at near-supersonic speed. Ravage flashed his optics once in the equivalent of a human blink before gleefully giving chase. _I wasn't aware that humans could move this fast._

After a couple minutes of hard running, the pair dashed into a rather large, run-down building. Ravage did not pause; he merely scanned his surroundings to reassure himself of no threats before following.

As soon as he had made it fifty paces through the door, blindingly bright lights flooded his vision, and the door _slammed!_ shut. Keening in discomfort, Ravage's momentum carried him several more feet. A second _Clang!_ sounded, and his recovering optics noticed that a heavy metal cage had fallen over him.

Shortly afterwards, footsteps carried three new humans toward his temporary prison. One, a female with short brown hair and a bi-visor, called into the building's depths, "It's safe now, you two! You can come out now!" Two familiar heads popped out of nearby barrels and cautiously crept over.

"Well, Shag, you and Scooby have done it again! Thanks to you guys, we caught the giant cat that's been scaring the townspeople!" congratulated a yellow-haired male.

The final human, a purple female with shockingly orange hair, skeptically asked her fellows, "They did do a great job - we all did, but is the cat supposed to be a robot?"

Dead silence followed her statement as the organics' heads whipped to face Ravage, and he himself despaired that the oblivious things had managed to ensnare him in the first place.

The first female broke the silence by commenting, "No one mentioned that, but it fits the description for everything else. Even the way it reacted checks out." Swiftly, she turned to face the lanky human and his creature. "Shaggy, Scooby, did either of you notice another cat or some sort of clue for one? Come to think of it, did you even notice that this one was a robot?"

"Like, how were we supposed to know?" Shaggy defended. "Alls we saw was, like, a big black cat with a lotta big teeth. And then it chased us!"

"Reah!" the creature, presumably 'Scooby,' agreed with its friend, exploding into motion to demonstrate exactly how Ravage had chased them. Despite his growing anger, Ravage wondered idly, _How, exactly, is it moving like that? Those movements should be anatomically impossible._

"In any case," the nameless male effortlessly interrupted and commandeered the conversation, "we do need to figure out what to do with him. Velma? Any ideas?"

That was it. As the brunette opened her mouth, Ravage sprang at the bars, fully intending to rip through the inferior Earth metal and escape.

_**CLANG!**_

Failing miserably, Ravage staggered back from the unblemished edge in a daze. _Where in the stars did they get this enclosure from? Cybertron?! _Inspecting the pristine bars, Ravage moaned as he realized that further attempts were futile; he simply would not be getting out on his own. Unfortunately, he would have to ask Soundwave for assistance in getting free. Not only would his carrier appearing be a nightmare in regards to stealth, but Ravage's dearest sibs were never going to let him hear the end of this. As he prepared for the humiliating task of calling for help, he could not help but grouse to himself, _This whole situation is the fault of those meddling humans and their very odd pet!_

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_Ending Author's Notes: I have no regrets! None! ::Cackles happily:: _

_ Anyway, Ravage was not able to escape on his own because 1.) it's funnier this way. 2.) This way, Ravage has been extremely well-Shagged, not to mention well-Scoobed and well-Mystery Inced. And 3.) I'm fusing the original Scooby-doo (the one with the laugh-track) with predominantly giant alien robots. Logic really has no bearings on this piece of fiction. On the record, it was fun writing Ravage attempting to comprehend the standard cartoon-behaviors from the show, and the Velma's "bi-visor" is her glasses. Finally, I should mention that I didn't refer to them as kids in the traditional Villain Gripe because to me, they look like they're in their very early twenties, and Ravage evidently agrees with me_.

_ Belated Disclaimer: I do not own Scooby-Doo. Fun Fact: Freddy (the "__yellow-haired male") has the same voice actor as G1 Megatron.  
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